Here’s Why So Many People Stay Friends with Their Exes

Staying on good terms with a former partner — to help bear the loss and keep the friends — is all the rage. M y ex is one of my closest friends. We split seven years ago after a two-year relationship, but we, and our families, are still close. She even organised my last birthday party. You have to grieve the loss and watch them move on without you. For Joy Smith, 37, becoming friends with Joe, her ex of eight years, was similarly fraught. Perhaps time heals all wounds, but for those with breakups in the more recent past, becoming friends can seem more difficult. After Mari Thomson, 25, ended her four-year relationship with Will, in , she left her job, went to China for six months and cut off contact. When she returned, she wanted to explore her sexuality further and started dating women.

Dating strategist Matthew Hussey tells us why you shouldn’t stay friends with an ex

Most people in life fall into one of two categories: those who stay friends with exes, and those who do not. Business Insider asked Matthew Hussey, the “love life and dating strategist” behind the blog howtogettheguy. But you’d better hope your partner believes it’s dead,” Hussey said.

Are Dating Are Friends With Their Exes. Astrology Can Tell Us Which Zodiac Signs Are The Least Likely To Ever Remain Friends With An Ex After A Break-up.

Think twice before you make that date with your ex. I had an ex whom I tried to stay friends with, but when he disrespected—not just me, but all of his former flames— I had to let him go as a friend. Do I still look at his Facebook page? Ending a relationship can be extremely difficult and if staying friends with your ex makes it easier, is that really wrong?

And this kind of dependency can make you more vulnerable to getting hurt all over again once your ex finds someone new—and they always find someone new. The transition from relationship to friendship can have all kinds of hidden dangers that can lead to more pain, according to relationship expert Lindsay Kriger. Kriger believes the most important thing to do once a relationship is over is to cut all ties and move on in order to allow yourself the chance to find happiness elsewhere.

That means deleting his number, and yes, even blocking him on Facebook. Juliana Breines, PhD of Psychology Today draws a strong connection between Facebook stalking and increases in jealousy and anxiety. Ultimately, every situation is specific to each relationship, just like my exes. Psychologist Karen Sherman says that a period of separation is critical before rekindling the friendship. Looking for real talk about the most important relationships in your life?

How To Stay Friends After A Break Up If You Don’t Want Them Out Of Your Life

On the other hand, the dumper would probably admit to feeling guilty upon seeing their ex regularly or worry that they are sending the wrong message. When my marriage ended, I had the misconception that two good people myself and my ex should be able to stay friends after our divorce. In my case, I was looking for closure — but soon realized that letting go of the reasons why our marriage dissolved was a healthier decision. There are many reasons why people strive to be friends with their ex after a breakup or divorce.

Certainly one of the main reasons is that they have unfinished business that they hope to resolve. Our they may want to keep the non-intimate part of the relationship going because they have caring feelings toward their former spouse.

“There’s nothing wrong with remaining friends with an ex under relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. It’s OK for your partner and their ex to be friends if they broke up years ago, and have since.

Once you have fallen in love with someone, there’s a deep caring within you for that other person that will always exist, no matter how the relationship ends. Sometimes we may not want to admit it but there will often remain a flicker of that love inside. The phrase “just friends” implies you’re able to be friendly with an ex without there being either sexual attraction and desire or conflict and discomfort. And you’re never going to be “just friends” with somebody you had a love relationship with, but you can have a new relationship without a need for it to conflict with you falling in love with someone else.

A lot depends on how a relationship ends. If a guy broke your heart and walked away from you saying he never wanted to see you again, well, yeah In a relationship where trust has been broken, you may need to simply walk away and accept he’ll never be a part of your life again — at all. Even if it means that learning how to get over a breakup will be difficult and painful.

It’s important to give yourself time to grieve over the relationship if you were in love. You need to allow time to examine and reflect on what was good in the relationship so you can move on and heal yourself from the negative aspects of it. Through that process, you can find health and wholeness for yourself and forgiveness for him and any negativity that happened in the relationship.

It doesn’t mean you welcome that person back into your life but you’re able to walk away, comfortable and whole. What about a relationship that doesn’t work out because there’s something incompatible about your pairing long-term? Maybe there’s too big of an age difference or maybe one of you wants to be married and the other doesn’t.

7 signs someone you’re dating should seriously just be your friend

On an island off the coast of the beautiful American Northeast. A cottage fell into my lap on Monday night: A pregnant friend of mine rented the place with her husband and was driving up to spend a couple weeks here when she started feeling strange. She and her dude promptly turned their car around to make an emergency trip to her doctor — and my friend is now spending the final three months of her pregnancy on bed rest.

My buddy is one of the most upbeat little ladies I know, and she’s handling the whole thing like a champ My writer friend Teddy was with me when I got the text from my pregnant pal about the suddenly free cottage — and I was about to turn down her offer to make use of the place when Teddy convinced me I should take a little working holiday He’d come along for the long car trip, read me the directions while I drove, and protect me from wolves or at least sea pigeons.

Some people may stay friends with all of their old flames, and that can The thought of your ex dating someone else sends you into a tailspin.

I wouldn’t remain friends with a friend who was hurtful, mean, inconsiderate, etc so I don’t understand why keep around an ex who behaved in this manner. You both need the judgment and restraint that comes with sobriety. On the surface this might seem a great alternative, and maybe you jumped at the chance. He’s your friend and you want the best for him, right? He agree with me that we need to move on from this. Some of the biggest examples of why you shouldn’t be friends with an exboyfriend you’re still in love with can be.

You took time to develop some independence and are both dating other people. Sometimes the issues that broke you up as a couple are going to be the same ones that keep you from being friends afterwards. Page 1 of 2 Sex on demand without the hassle and pressure of dating — who could ask for anything more? Or, my fittingly incomprehensible favourite.

Can you stay friends after a break-up?

To put it bluntly- it’s probably for the best that you stop trying to date her, for several reasons. And that’s okay. She has the right to make that decision. That doesn’t mean that you have to stop being friends, or that you should stop being friends. It’s probably not just you.

Just because there’s no spark doesn’t mean there’s no chance for a new friendship. Here’s how to make friends out of guys you’ve dated.

It was unusual research, certainly; only a few studies had ever attempted to suss out what factors made a post-breakup friendship a success or a bust, and after her presentations, Griffith often took questions from other scientists and peers in her field. But the query she encountered most often was not about her conclusions, or her methodology, or her data analysis.

The questions of whether and how to stay friends with an ex—romantic partner are, as Griffith can attest, both complex and universal. To utter it during a breakup conversation is either a kind and helpful way to lessen the pain of parting or the cruelest part of the whole endeavor, depending on who you ask. An attempt to stay friends may be a kindness if it suggests an attachment or a respect that transcends the circumstances of the romantic relationship, for instance.

It can be a cruelty, however, when it serves to pressure the jilted party into burying feelings of anger and hurt. As a result, how to interpret or act on the suggestion of a post-breakup friendship is one of the great everyday mysteries of our time. There are four main reasons, Rebecca Griffith and her colleagues found, why exes feel compelled to maintain a friendship or to suggest doing so: for civility i.

For instance, Griffith and her team found that friendships resulting from unresolved romantic desires tended to lead to the most negative outcomes, like feelings of sadness, challenges moving on romantically, and disapproval from other friends. One surprising finding was that extroverted people were less likely to remain friends with an ex—romantic partner.

But the researchers and historians I spoke with for this story generally agreed that in the history of relationships, staying friends or attempting to is a distinctly modern phenomenon, especially among mixed-gender pairs. The experts also agreed that two of the concerns that most often lead to an offer of post-breakup friendship—the worry that a social group or workplace will become hostile, and the worry that the loss of a romantic partner will also mean the loss of a potential friend—are relatively modern developments themselves, made possible by the integration of women into public society and the subsequent rise of mixed-gender friendships.

9 real people share the best relationship advice they’ve ever heard

Last Updated: February 8, References Approved. This article has been viewed , times. A breakup can be heartbreaking and the inclination to stay friends is understandable. When someone was important to you romantically, it’s natural to want to hold on to that connection. However, this can be difficult territory.

“Should You Remain Friends With Your Ex?” Tell Her You Don’t Want to be Just Friends, and to Let You Know if She Changes Her Mind and Wants to Date.

After a breakup , you may be tempted to try to be friends with your ex. You still care about this person, after all. And remaining pals may seem like the mature, evolved thing to do. Elliott , author of the book Getting Past Your Breakup. Her general recommendation is to wait at least six months before thinking about a friendship, though the amount of time may vary depending on the couple, the seriousness of the prior relationship and how it ended.

Even after the most amicable breakup, everyone needs time to work through the split and all their feelings. Some people may stay friends with all of their old flames , and that can be a great thing for them. Note that in some cases, particularly if the relationship was abusive or otherwise toxic , trying to be friends could be damaging or even dangerous. We asked therapists to share the signs that you should probably hold off for now.

Can You Really Be Friends After a Breakup?